


Validate Me

by yuutsuhime



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Anxiety, Butch Kirijo Mitsuru, Drinking to Cope, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Sex Talk, Sexual Confusion, Sexual Dysfunction, Strap-Ons, Trans Female Kirijo Mitsuru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-11-28 06:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20961911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuutsuhime/pseuds/yuutsuhime
Summary: College roommates Mitsuru and Aigis get drunk at 2AM and openly talk about their sex lives.





	Validate Me

**Author's Note:**

> I will always headcanon that Aigis is kinky and knows far more than she lets on. It also makes sense to me that Mitsuru is an Anxious Gay but that might just be me projecting as if this whole fic wasn't just self indulgence.
> 
> (This fic is incredibly off brand for me since it's mostly humor with just a dash of PTSD.)

Mitsuru comes home at two in the morning with a flask of vodka dangling from the pocket of her leather coat. Mitsuru is eighteen, and this is illegal. Aigis watches curiously as Mitsuru kicks her snowy combat boots into the corner and takes another swig.

"How was your date," Aigis says.

"How do you think," Mitsuru says.

"I'm certain that it went badly, but I decided to ask in a way that was palatable and did not require the disclosure of emotions without consent," Aigis says.

"Thanks," Mitsuru breathes. She doesn't seem very thankful.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Aigis asks.

Mitsuru frowns at Aigis, who is illuminated by the harsh light of a laptop screen. "You're not busy?"

"I have already computed the answers to all the questions on this math quiz, but the system claims I'm cheating if I answer them all immediately. Apparently, human processing speed is a factor in ensuring that 'robots' do not take the test on behalf of someone who is 'human'. I've elected to slow my pace arbitrarily, rather than file a discrimination complaint with the dean. Hence, I am not busy."

Mitsuru shrugs the flask at Aigis. "The date itself went well. We could have had sex, but I... I got scared, I guess."

"I see," Aigis says.

"I enrolled in this University to live a normal life compared to people in my age range," Mitsuru begins, and Aigis can tell this is going to be a lecture, so she lets Mitsuru continue: "It's not a question of gaining money or status; it's more about forgetting about it. I've always known that I'm not normal, and I know it sounds selfish because I'm always the one who's _perfect_ in every way, and has all the privilege, and can afford _anything_. I know it sounds like the tears of a rich girl, because it _is_."

"A fair enough judgment," Aigis says.

"But no matter what situation I put myself in, or what sacrifices I make, I'm still _trans_, and it just really... fucking sucks."

"I also understand feeling limited by the capabilities and form of one's own body."

"I know," Mitsuru breathes. She pauses to watch snow fall through the slats in the Venetian blinds, and Aigis realizes that Mitsuru is probably thinking about what happened two Januaries ago, and how their own bodies had seemed capable of anything until they weren't. Maybe, Aigis realizes, it's time for Aigis to try to stress out more about her classes, like a regular person who doesn't live in memories of high school. Mitsuru stops hesitating, and drinks again to clear her throat.

"I guess what happened was that she put her hand –" Mitsuru hesitates again, rephrasing her thoughts – "She touched my dick, and that made me feel like I don't count as a lesbian for having one. She didn't even do anything bad, it was just – me."

"And alcohol helps with your self-hatred complex?"

"No," Mitsuru says, and takes another drink. "The thing is, it's not like I couldn't get a vagina if I wanted one. But I don't _know_ if I do. What happens if I get _the surgery_ and then I stop being able to feel arousal, or anything? What happens if I actually wanted a penis in the first place?"

"You could use a strap-on," Aigis says.

"A what?"

"It's similar to a dildo, but mounted on a harness so that it sits against your pelvis like an erect penis."

Mitsuru's eyes narrow at Aigis. "What?"

"I suppose the previous discussion about me feeling limited by the capabilities of my own body wasn't a sufficiently strong implication. I know about sex, Mitsuru."

"Apparently more than I do."

"I chose not to discuss intercourse around you for fear that I would cross a boundary as your roommate, but I see your alcohol use has made that decision for us."

Mitsuru frowns and becomes extremely interested in her phone. Mitsuru is drunk, obviously. She's probably not an alcoholic yet, but Aigis can't blame her for being maladapted and post-traumatic without inviting the same criticism on herself.

"Ask whatever questions you like," Aigis says.

Mitsuru narrows her eyes at her phone. "So... how do you know about..."

"I was interested. Sex seemed like an ordinary human activity, so I investigated and found that I liked it. That led me to research how I could possibly have it given my 'design specifications', shall we say."

Mitsuru is blushing, but it's probably just the alcohol. "Wait, so you're like... getting laid?"

"Occasionally. I mostly just masturbate."

"You can have orgasms?"

"I'm not sure. I can't tell if what I'm processing is beyond my usual emotions, but I do develop crushes and I want to cause other people to nut, as they say."

"They don't say that."

"I've watched many hours of pornography and I can assure you that the actresses do in fact say that."

"Yeah, jokingly!"

"That _was_ a joke," Aigis says.

Mitsuru sighs, and looks at her flask. "This is probably going to be a night I regret."

"An understandable reaction."

"Sorry. I probably asked way too many intrusive questions," Mitsuru says.

"I decided to answer in good faith. This was consensual, but I understand if you feel like you've gained too much information. However, that would be a consequence of your own actions."

Mitsuru sighs again. "One last question?"

"Proceed."

"Can I request discrete packaging?"

"For sex toys? Ostensibly. More like definitely, for someone of your rank and celebrity."

Mitsuru scoffs. "Why can't I just fade off the radar for one goddamn second? I just want to be _regular_. Or maybe I deign to wish for something truly radical, like being regular _and_ trans, or regular _and_ gay, or God forbid both."

Aigis nods along. "With consent, what kind of toy are you looking for?"

"Probably a strap-on", Mitsuru says. "Nice work dodging those emotions."

Aigis snaps both of her hands into finger-guns, which is funny because her hands are actually guns.

"I'm deciding to become drunk," Aigis says, and Mitsuru passes the flask, which Aigis rejects: "All it takes is a _decision_, Mitsuru. My body isn't designed for this, and I suppose my brain isn't either."

"But can you get drunk," Mitsuru says.

"I can decide to be uninhibited and make out with every consenting woman at the proverbial party, and also share far too much information about myself. So, drunk, yes. Approximately. Where are your boundaries on me being in such a state?"

"I'm not kissing you," Mitsuru says. "Otherwise, fuck me up."

"I see. So, given that sexual behavior becomes easier with discussion and forethought, who are you kissing? Feel free to yellow-light out of any inquiries."

Mitsuru sighs, exhausted. "It's Yukari."

"This makes sense," Aigis says.

"I know I can trust you," Mitsuru says. "I just... I was afraid of telling _anyone_ because it felt like commitment. Or, it felt like things couldn't quietly go back to normal without anyone noticing if we decided _not_ to continue."

"May I submit an inquiry?"

"Yes, but it could take several business days to process."

"Did this start on the Kyoto trip the last year of high school?"

Mitsuru blushes, and looks at her feet. "Yeah," she says, in her smallest voice.

"I knew it," Aigis declares.

"How?"

"Probabilistic analysis of your and Yukari's behavior prior to and after the trip, compared to various yuri media."

"Ugh, fair enough."

"If I may be bold," Aigis says. "I'm inferring that adding benefits to your friendship is something you intend to keep on the down-low, as the kids would say."

"Yeah," Mitsuru says. "It's been something we've started intermittently. Never felt reliable enough to admit that it was _a thing_ to anybody else. And plus then people would start assuming that my dick had been in her vagina and that's just a bit too much of an idea to be in anyone else's head. I'm only telling you because I've told you everything else."

"I cherish your confidence."

Mitsuru looks at her empty flask and then back to Aigis with a confused face. "Can I also ask you about gender stuff?"

"Green."

"Am I butch?" Mitsuru asks.

"I don't know, do you feel butch?"

"I don't know. I'd probably feel butch if other people thought I was butch, and I do want them to think that, but I don't know if that creates some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy and I'm actually just confused."

"What aspects of butchness do you want me to tell you are okay for you to perform?"

"If I got a side-shave, would it be weird?"

"You can have a side-shave."

"What if I wear a suit?"

"Then you're a woman in a suit."

"And I wouldn't look like a man?"

"You would look like a woman in a suit. You're a woman, so whatever you look like is what women look like.

"What if I wear a suit _and_ a strap-on?"

"Then you'd be a woman in a suit wearing a strap."

"Oh my God, I can't believe it," Mitsuru explains, then calms down as someone next door pounds on the shared wall. "Thanks for listening to me. It's like you're my dad or something – oh no, I can't believe my dad is dead."

"Yellow. Let's pull out of that before we start spiralling," Aigis says.

Mitsuru is quiet for a moment. "Am I butch because I have a motorcycle?"

"You're butch because you decide to call yourself butch. In the same way that you call yourself a woman or that I call myself a person. Labels exist to be fit to people, not the other way around."

"How are you so good at this?"

"I'm just repeating something I read on the Internet," Aigis says.

"Am I bad at sex?"

"I genuinely do not have the firsthand experience needed to answer."

"I feel like I'm bad at sex because every time sex happens to _me_, I get scared and run to the nearest liquor store. And I feel like that makes me so unfuckable that I'll end up alone, and then I'll spend all my money trying to fill the void of intimacy in my life with drugs, and _then_ I'll be _broke_ and alone and homeless at age forty and then I'll have no choice but to fling myself off of a bridge because my life ended up being so fucking bad. Or something."

"It's probably dysphoria."

Mitsuru thinks. "Am I drunk?"

"Yes. Not dangerously, but absolutely."

"Sorry," Mitsuru says.

"Apology accepted. Drink water."

Mitsuru resigns herself to self-care, brushes her teeth, and curls up on the bed when she's done; her red hair sprawls out across her pillow like wine and Aigis can tell that she'd probably start crying if she had any energy left.

"That happened," Mitsuru says.

"Do you feel better?"

"No. Can I talk about my dad?"

"I feel like talking about your dad directly leads to talking about anyone we know who is dead, and –"

"Okay, okay. I get it."

"You have Yukari. Things will be okay."

"Really?"

"I'm glad for you," Aigis says.

"I'm glad you're my friend, too," Mitsuru says. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You're one of my best friends."

"Go to sleep," Aigis says.

"Okay," Mitsuru says. "Thanks."


End file.
